Girls, Girls, Girls
by Silent Sensei
Summary: Chibi Trunks is having some woman troubles, and seeks help from an unlikely source...chapter three has just been posted! Enjoy, minna!
1. Questions

Girls, Girls, Girls  
by Kayoko  
  
DISCLAIMER: sing the disclaimer song with me now! "It's not mine, it's not mine, it's not mine, it's theirs..." Please remember to review the fic after you read it! Arigatou!  
  
**********  
  
Chibi Trunks walked home from school, carrying his little blue backpack and contemplating the subject of girls, along with the meaning of life. He decided he could ask Mr. Popo about the meaning of life later, since sometimes it was fun to just say his name. (Hee hee.) Trunks yelled "Mr. Popo!" a few times, scaring the bejeezus out of the squirrels, and then continued walking. He started thinking about girls again, and he came to the conclusion that something was definitely wrong with them. They giggled, some of them wore skirts, and when you tried to talk to them, they ran away shrieking, and you could see their frilly white panties. Not that Trunks thought there was anything wrong with panties, but it was annoying how they acted sometimes.   
  
Yes, there was something definitely wrong with the female race, Trunks thought to himself. He should ask his father about them. Vegeta had married Bulma, right? And Bulma was a girl, so he must know something about them. That taken care of, Chibi Trunks picked up a stick and began chasing a pigeon, his little blue backpack bouncing up and down. "Shi-ne!" he yelled, waving the stick in fine kendo form. The pigeon blinked in a very dignifed matter several times, then began walking away, its neck bobbing back and forth. Disappointed, Trunks threw the stick and hit the pigeon. His eyes grew wide as he realized a whole flock of pigeons was now streaking towards him. Using all his chibi Saiyan strength, he raced down the sidewalk towards his home.  
  
**********  
  
Vegeta looked out the window as a blue of blue, purple, and gray passed by. /What the hell is that?/ he mused to himself. /Looks like the brat, being chased by a shitload of birds. Heh. Wonder what he did this time./ Vegeta watched as the pigeons began pecking at the boy, who was now running up the front walk. Vegeta turned from the window and said calmly to Bulma, "The brat is back," at the very second her son burst in through the door and collapsed on the carpet, panting, with bird droppings and feathers sticking out everywhere. Bulma took one look at Trunks and shrieked, dropping the coffeepot in Vegeta's lap, along with a hammer on his foot. "AARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!" Vegeta danced around the kitchen in pain, hollering bloody murder until Bulma stuck a muffin in his mouth. He sat, throwing murderous looks at his wife and chewing.  
  
"Trunks, what in the world happened to you?" Bulma yelled, carrying him upstairs to the bathtub. She started the water running as Trunks explained what happened.   
  
"Well, mom, I threw a stick at a pigeon, and then they started attacking me." Vegeta followed upstairs, still eating the muffin. Hepointed a finger at Trunks, giving him a death glare and spraying blueberries as he tried to talk through the pastry.  
  
"Mmph..rmph...Trunks...*swallow* no son of mine throws sticks at birds! If you were hungry, you could have come home!"  
  
"But Dad, I didn't want to eat it..." Bulma cut him off, depositing him, naked, into the bathtub.   
  
"Now, get washed up and then come downstairs for dinner," she instructed him.  
  
**********  
  
At the dinner table, Vegeta was on his third plate when Trunks asked the fateful question.  
  
"Dad, can you pass the senbei?"   
  
Vegeta turned towards his son, gripping his fork in his right hand, food slipping from his glaring mouth.   
  
"EEP!" Trunks slid under the table and said, "Nevermind!" Bulma pulled him up upside down and plunked him in his chair as Vegeta resumed "eating."   
  
Oh, I'm sorry, I meant inhaling.  
  
((What did you say, woman?))  
((Oh, shut up Vegeta, you know you're a pig.))  
((Why, you bi-))  
((Rekka Shinen!))  
((Arigatou, Tasuki.))  
((De nada. Wait, that's Spanish...))  
  
Back in the story...  
  
Five minutes later, Vegeta was almost about to leave the table when Trunks asked him another question.  
  
"Dad, can you tell me about girls?"  
  
Vegeta choked on a bean and coughed. Sputtering, he sat down as Bulma glared at him.  
  
"Well, aren't you going to answer your son?"  
  
"I...er...I am the Prince of Saiyans! I don't have time to deal with meaningless questions, boy!"  
  
Bulma smiled at Trunks. "That means he'd be happy to."  
  
(to be continued...) 


	2. Answers

GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS - Chapter Two  
by Kayoko (and, moonlighting in this chapter, her crazy best tomodachi Toumatachi)  
  
Disclaimer: DBZ isn't mine. Toumatachi isn't mine. Enough said, ne?  
  
************  
  
(where we last left off...)  
  
"Dad, can you tell me about girls?"  
  
Vegeta choked on a bean and coughed. Sputtering, he sat down as Bulma glared at him.  
  
"Well, aren't you going to answer your son?"  
  
"I...er...I am the Prince of Saiyans! I don't have time to deal with meaningless questions, boy!"  
  
Bulma smiled at Trunks. "That means he'd be happy to."  
  
**********  
  
"I...er...ah, well boy..." Trunks waited for Vegeta's response, swinging his little legs off the chair and smiling innocently. Bulma suddenly remembered she needed to go work on Mr. Saiyaman, the new cleaner Chi-Chi had asked for.  
  
"Trunks, you stay here and let your Dad explain. I'm going to the lab for a while." Trunks waved bye-bye while Vegeta slowly turned a mottled red color, spazzing and foaming at the mouth. The little purple-haired boy waited patiently as Vegeta stabbed the um, life out of a piece of chicken with his fork. After a few minutes of that, Vegeta turned to his son.  
  
"Well, boy, girls are like, er, girls are like...ah, this piece of chicken here." Trunks leaned in, fascinated as Vegeta held up the drumstick and waved it a few times as he contemplated his explanation. He began gnawing at the leg thoughtfully.  
  
"Like chicken, Dad?"  
  
"Yes. Girls are like chicken. They only serve to give us energy and make annoying noises. Ah, see, boy, on Earth, men were created so God wouldn't be embarrassed in front of all the other, uh, God...people of other worlds. Whenever God's other friends came to visit him, he didn't want to show them a bunch of sorry-ass monkeys sniffing themselves, so he evolved them into human men."  
  
"But Dad, Mom always says you've got the intellect of a baboon, except for the hairy red ass-"  
  
"SILENCE, BOY!" Chastised, Trunks stuck out his lip.  
  
"Good. Now as I was saying, God made men so he could show off Earth to all his friends. But after a while, God got bored with only men to watch, since they were naturally perfect -" A strangled cough from the lab emitted from the lab. Vegeta glared at the door with bugged eyes and a vein popping out on his forehead. "-so he decides to give Man a present."  
  
"Like candy?"  
  
"No, not like-"  
  
"A unicorn?'  
  
"No, not-"  
  
"Pretty ribbon?"  
  
"YEAAARGGHH! WOMAN, SINCE WHEN IS THIS BOY A PANSY?" Bulma comes back to the table and sits down next to Trunks, giving Vegeta The Eye.  
  
"Mom, I thought pansies were flowers."  
  
"They are, sweetie."  
  
"So why did Dad call me a flower?"  
  
"Because your father thinks you're such a handsome little boy."  
  
"I most certainly do not!"  
  
((Author Insert. Tasuki-chan gives Vegeta The Finger.))  
((Vegeta: "Up yours."))  
((*smacks Vegeta upside the head* Hey hey, be nice to your son, you bad man you.))  
((*Zechs snickers.*))  
((Vegeta: Oh shut up and go play with your gundams, pretty boy.))  
((Tasuki-chan: One more word, Vegeta, and I give you back to Koji. You want that Kakarotto lemon? I swear, I'll do it!))  
((Vegeta: Hn.))  
  
Meanwhile, back in the story...Vegeta glared up at the ceiling, a confused Trunks following his gaze.  
  
"Hey, Mom, who was Dad arguing with?"  
  
"The author, sweetie."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh, you'll understand when you're older." *Dr. and Mrs. Brief come in, give the readers The Wink, and then go back to doing...um...whatever it is they do. Trunks is utterly confused.*  
  
"Vegeta, you're not helping Trunks learn anything by telling him lies!"  
  
"They're not lies! Women were made to serve men!"  
  
"Really?" *Trunks is excited.* "Hey Mom, go get me ice cream!"  
  
"How dare you order me, you little thug!" cried Bulma as she smacked the back of Vegeta's head.  
  
"WHY MUST EVERYONE SMACK ME TODAY?" Bulma ignored her howling husband.  
  
"Trunks, women were created because God couldn't stand watching the stupidity of men. That's why girls are always right."  
  
"Oh, I get it now."  
  
Vegeta pounded the table with his fist, but in the process, accidentally squirted tartar sauce in his eye.  
  
"ARGGHHH! Listen, brat," Vegeta said as he wiped his eyebrow clear of Old Sea Dog (guaranteed to give you a hairy chest like a true blue ripsnortin' Captain Ahab!) "One day, God got his toga in a bunch and while he was picking out the Almighty Wedgie, he was so annoyed he created girls, so that whenever he got another wedgie from the Heavens, he could order a slave girl to-"  
  
(("VEGETA, THAT"S ENOUGH!"))   
((Vegeta: EEP!))  
((*grabs him and hauls him off to Toumatachi.* There! Now you shall suffer the price!))  
((Toumatachi grins evilly and drags Vegeta away by his shiny, spiffy white boots.))  
((Vegeta: NO, NOT A KAKAROTTO LEMON! Anything but THAT! NOT A LEMON! NO! BAD! AHH! NO...no...not...a lemon...*voice trails away into the distance*))  
  
As Bulma heard Vegeta's screams of horror fade away, she got a satisfied look on her face, and got up to clear the table. Trunks slid off his chair and looked at his mother.  
  
"Hey, Mom?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What's a lemon?" 


	3. Interlude

GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS  
Chapter Three - also known as the slightly crackheaded interlude...  
  
(Where we last left off...)  
  
As Bulma heard Vegeta's screams of horror fade away, she got a satisfied look on her face, and got up to clear the table. Trunks slid off his chair and looked at his mother.  
  
"Hey, Mom?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What's a lemon?"  
  
**********  
  
Bulma turned around quickly, accidentally hitting her husband in the ah, "nether regions."  
  
((Did I hear you correctly?))  
((Yes you did.))  
((Nether regions?!))  
((Okay, want me to just call it your "bulging manhood?"))  
((Well if we're going to be honest...))  
((Hah. You wish, fruity power ranger.))  
  
Vegeta's voice rose several octaves as he shrieked in pain. Trunks looked at his father.  
  
"Wow, Dad, you sound just like that one time you got your zipper caught in-"  
  
"Sweetie, I don't think this is the time to bring that up."  
  
Trunks saw the shi-ne look in Vegeta's eyes and decided to stop.  
  
((If you keep using MY patented shi-ne glare...))  
((Oh yeah? What? Bring it, Aya!))  
((*Aya pulls out his katana. Em-san pulls out her..bum bum bum...*))  
((Shing! Sparkle, sparkle. Haha, beat that, Aya!))  
((What is that? Is that, is that a spatula? *passes out from laughter*))  
((*strokes her spatula defensively* Poohead. Ken, come take your lover out of my DBZ fic!))  
((Hai hai! *drags Aya out by his purdy hair*))  
  
Back in the 'tory....  
  
But wait! I'm not going to tell you what happens next! You're just gonna have to wait till Saturday, cuz I have to go don my cape, assume the position, and run like bloody hell away from my mother, once she finds out I still haven't unloaded the dishwasher....  
  
So...*cliffhanger music* Will Trunks ever learn the citrusy goodness of a lemon? Find out next time...on...bum bum bum...Damnit, I don't own DBZ...Hnn...Okay, how about this? "Em-san's f*cked up version of Dragonball Z?" 


End file.
